Only If For A Night
by Illogical-Tribble42
Summary: There is a Valentine's Day party aboard the Enterprise and Kirk and Spock find themselves wanting what they shouldn't.


**A/N: **So this was definitely supposed to be fluffy, but it turned out a little more angsty than that. Anyway I just wanted our boys drunk and pining on Valentine's Day. I hope you like it. I own nothing, all rights belong to Gene Roddenberry and CBS. Happy Valentine's Day y'all, thanks for reading.

* * *

Captain James Kirk sat opposite his first officer, Mr. Spock, a game of 3D chess between them. Kirk tapped his chin thoughtfully for a moment before making his move. Spock raised his eyebrow at his choice, but said nothing. He made his own move a few seconds later. Kirk looked fondly at Spock, his heart warmed by the endearingly earnest look on Spock's face.

Kirk made his next move and before he realized what he was doing, he was speaking, in a voice that sounded forced and unnatural to his own ears. "Mr. Spock, are you aware that a popular human holiday is almost upon us?" he asked, inwardly wincing at the bluntness of it.

"I was not, to what holiday are you referring Captain?"

"Valentines' Day, Spock." replied Kirk. "A day of romance and love for my people."

"I cannot imagine an entire day devoted to such an illogical emotion. You humans will celebrate anything."

"Well, its a day for couples to spend with each other, for new love to blossom. I can't find any fault in that."

"You wouldn't, Captain. Being the romantic that you are."

Kirk chuckled. "I won't argue with that." Kirk hesitated. If he said the wrong thing, it'd be over, but how to do it. "They're having a party, or so I've heard." he continued casually.

"A waste of time and resources."

"It could be enjoyable. A chance to socialize among the crew, relax. You could use some time off yourself, you've been working too hard."

"My work is both fruitful and satisfying, I do not tire of it."

"Yes well," Kirk said. "Still I think you deserve a night off Spock."

"Indeed Captain?" asked Spock surprised. "Will you be in attendance?"

"I may be." replied Kirk casually.

Spock considered his words a moment. "I suppose I could attend." he said slowly. "It may prove interesting in some respects."

"I'm glad to hear it." replied Kirk, his hopes lifting. Spock will be there he repeated to himself, he'll be there.

They finished their game and reported for Alpha shift. On the bridge, Kirk's attention was fixed on his first officer more so than the task at hand. He knew he needed to focus, but his gaze was pulled again and again to the slim figure hunched over the control panel. Kirk didn't know exactly when the longing had begun, only that it had. For months now he'd had an increasingly difficult time in controlling his emotions in regards to his first officer. He'd stopped trying to deny how he felt, but it didn't make it any easier. Kirk didn't know what he hoped to accomplish with the Valentines' party. He certainly wouldn't be wooing any Vulcans that night, but there was a glimmer of hope inside him that he couldn't explain. He'd just have to wait and see.

* * *

Spock exited the turbolift and headed for his station, while the Captain took his chair and began handing out orders. He puzzled over Kirk's behavior during their chess game. No denying the Captain had been acting out of the ordinary and Spock having little knowledge of human emotions was at a loss to explain it. He had seemed almost nervous, which was most unlike him. What he'd been able to gather, however, was that the Captain seemed to want him to attend the party being held the following night. His mind wandered through the multitude of possible reasons, he paused at one in particular. He pushed the thought aside almost immediately. No, he thought fiercely. To think that way was not logical. He felt a pulse of shame course through him as he forcefully tried to reel in his emotions.

He glanced at Kirk, who was looking right at him. Their gazes held for a long moment and Spock wondered if Kirk had somehow been able to sense his thoughts. He tore his gaze away, inwardly shaking himself for the momentary lapse. It pained him to admit how many lapses he'd been having of late and he couldn't help noticing what they all had in common, Jim. It seemed that his logic wavered where his Captain was concerned. He had not tried to discover why, instead he vehemently denied and suppressed any feelings that arose.

After his shift Spock forewent any dinner and immediately returned to his quarters. He spent the evening meditating, trying to distance himself from the slip up he'd made earlier. He awoke early the following morning wondering whether or not he'd made a terrible mistake. A few minutes after he'd sat down to his breakfast his suspicions were confirmed. Dr. McCoy joined him, a look of glee on his face.

"So." he began and Spock sighed, waiting for the inevitable. "I hear you're going to deign us with your presence this evening."

"I had considered it." replied Spock evenly.

"Really?" asked McCoy looking overjoyed. "I didn't know you were into that kind of thing. Tell me, who's your valentine?"

"Really Dr. McCoy, I fail to understand the pleasure you seem to gain from this information."

"I'm just curious Spock." replied McCoy innocently. "This don't really seem like your cup of tea."

"If you must know." Spock admitted. "The Captain suggested I attend the party."

"Why am I not surprised." muttered McCoy under his breath.

"I beg your pardon?" asked Spock though he had heard full well what the doctor had said.

"Nothing." replied McCoy. And they finished their breakfast in silence.

* * *

Kirk hesitated outside the banquet hall, where all of the ships formal gatherings took place. He wore his green tunic, the dress code casual. With a deep breath he entered the room and found it filled with people, dressed in their off duty clothing. Soft music filtered through the room and several couples were already dancing. Kirk walked through the crowd waving to people as he went. He looked around at the decorations that had been put up. Red and pink confetti everywhere, hearts and cherubs hanging from the ceiling. He smiled to himself at the sight. He scanned the room hopefully, but with a sinking feeling realized that Spock wasn't there. He headed for the refreshment table to grab himself a drink. He was met by Dr. McCoy.

"Hey Bones." he said, filling a glass from the bowl of punch on the table.

"Heya Jim." replied McCoy affably. "Having fun?"

"Oh yes." Kirk lied. "You?"

"We'll see." said McCoy, eyeing a pretty blonde across the room. "What about you?"

"What do you mean what about me?"

"Got your eye on anyone?"

At that moment Kirk's attention was arrested by the sight of Spock stepping into the room. "I might have." he murmured more to himself. "Excuse me Bones." said Kirk making his way towards Spock.

"Yeah I figured." McCoy said to Kirk's retreating form.

Kirk approached his first officer. "Glad you could make it." he said with a smile.

"Indeed." replied Spock tonelessly. "I have found my meditations less restful of late and have taken your advice. Though I do not see how this gathering could be of any help."

"Well I'm glad you came."

"I too am pleased to see you, I was not aware you would be in attendance."

"I thought it might be fun." replied Kirk. There were so many things he wanted to say, but the words died on his tongue. "Can I get you a drink?" he offered.

"No thank you, Captain." said Spock folding his hands primly behind his back. "I believe I will as you humans say, mingle."

"Of course." Kirk muttered to himself as Spock walked away. He wandered through a crowd of people, wishing he'd never come in the first place. He found a secluded corner and settled down, a fresh drink in his hand.

An hour and several glasses of punch later Kirk was morosely watching his first officer speak to a pretty young ensign. He hardly noticed when someone took the seat opposite him. It was McCoy.

"You oughtta slow down a little, Scotty may or may not have spiked the punch.

"That's alright Bones." Kirk said. "I think I'll head back to my quarters."

"Now wait just a damn minute." McCoy said, irritated. "All you've done since you got here is mope, now why don't you try and have some fun."

"Are you telling me this as my doctor or my friend?"

"Both, now I got someone I want you to meet." McCoy waved to a woman across the room to join them. She approached them smiling shyly. "Now I suggest you two have a dance, doctors orders."

With a sigh of resignation Kirk took the woman's hand and stood.

* * *

Spock wandered through the crowded room, stealing glances at the Captain every few minutes. He was still seated in the corner as he had been for over an hour. Spock was still at war with himself. It had taken every ounce of strength he possessed to refuse the Captains' offer and since that moment he had been fiercely regretting it. He wanted nothing more than to simply join Kirk, but he was held back. Spock struggled with feelings of yearning he could hardly understand. Angry with himself for his lack of control, he sought any means of relief. That's when he found the chocolate fountain. He distracted himself with chocolate covered strawberries and inane conversation.

Spock glanced at Kirk right on schedule, only to find the seat empty. He scanned the room quickly and his eyes settled on a couple in the center of the dance floor. Kirk held a woman in his arms, smiling softly at her as they swayed gently together. Something almost like jealousy surged through Spock. The chocolate intensified his feelings rather than masked them. He should have known, alcohol had the same effect on the human mind. Disgusted with himself he headed for the door, displaying only a small margin of unsteadiness. He stumbled into his quarters a few minutes later, feeling almost as if pon farr were upon him.

He slumped down onto his bed and just sat there. No more than ten minutes later there was a ringing at his door, someone requesting entrance. He stood and tried not to sway.

"Enter." he said as clearly as he could. To his profound astonishment it was Captain Kirk. Trying to hide his surprise Spock took a step toward him. "I had thought you were enjoying the party Captain."

"It was a little dull for me." Kirk said, his speech somewhat slurred.

"You seemed rather engaged." replied Spock stiffly. "I hope the young lady does not miss your presence."

Kirk sat on his desk, looking at him with an odd expression. "I didn't see you leave, I wanted to..." he trailed off softly, speaking more to himself.

"Yes Captain?" asked Spock.

"You know for someone who's incapable of emotion, you certainly have a way of evoking it in others." Kirk went on, ignoring his question.

"You are incorrect Captain. I am not incapable of feeling, I simply refrain from doing so. Though I seem to be having some difficulty in that regard." Spock admitted. He waited, wondering.

Kirk stood and took a step toward him. "Spock," he began. "I-would you like to dance with me?"

"I beg your pardon?" Spock asked, unsure if he had heard correctly.

"You're the one I wanted to be dancing with." Kirk told him.

"Captain, I don't know what to say." said Spock, his mind reeling.

"Say yes."

"Yes Jim." Spock answered softly.

"Computer," said Kirk. "Play music, something soft, something you can dance to."

Soft jazz filled the room a moment later. Kirk reached out his hand and Spock took it. Kirk pulled him closer, resting a hand against the small of Spock's back. Spock placed a hand tentatively on Kirk's hip and looked at him hesitantly.

"Ever danced before Spock?" Kirk asked, sensing his unease.

"No sir, I have not."

"Just follow my lead." said Kirk beginning to sway gently to the music. Spock kept pace with him, moving as he moved. They danced together for a few minutes, cheek to cheek. Until Kirk pulled back enough to look Spock in the eye. The emotion on Kirk's face was enough to steal Spock's breath away. The naked devotion written into his gentle features.

"Captain," Spock whispered, telling himself he needed to leave, to get away. He moved to pull away, but Kirk held him there.

"Spock," he said, lifting a hand to rest it on the Vulcan's cheek. "There isn't a day goes by I don't long for you, you're all I think about."

"Jim," Spock began, hating himself for what he had to do. "You are my commander and as such any relationship between us would be against regulations."

"Please don't quote regulations to me. I can't stand another day away from you." Kirk pause a moment, looking at Spock as if he were the answer to every question he'd ever had. "If I weren't your Captain..." he trailed off.

Spock placed his palm gently over Kirk's heart. "Jim I-"

Kirk placed a fingertip over Spock's lips, cutting him off. "Maybe we can, for one night be something else, someone else. I don't have to be your Captain and you don't have to be my first officer."

"Just for one night?" asked Spock his resolve weakening.

"Just one night." Kirk answered, running his thumb gently over Spock's lips.

"I-" Spock began, ready to refuse, but the hope in Kirk's eyes stopped him. With a sigh Spock gave in to everything he'd spent his life denying himself. "Yes Jim." was all he said.

Kirk closed the distance between them, leaning in for a tentative kiss. Spock responded slowly, unsure of himself. Kirk wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. The kiss was slow and full of longing. Kirk ran his tongue along the seam of Spock's lips and the Vulcan parted them, allowing him access. Spock let out a soft moan against Kirk's lips. They parted a moment later. Kirk reached for the hem of Spock's tunic, tugging it over his head and discarding it. He ran his hands over the newly exposed expanse of skin. Spock arched into his touch, craving more. He reached out, helping Kirk out of his own tunic. They stood gazing at one another, almost afraid to continue.

Spock moved first, placing his hand on Kirk's chest, feeling the heart beating strongly under his palm. Kirk captured his lips in another fierce kiss, reaching for the fastenings of Spock's trousers. He rid the Vulcan of his trousers and slowly backed him toward the bed, lips moving to pepper kisses along his jaw. Kirk lay Spock down and he looked up at his Captain with anticipation and a hint of uncertainty. Kirk unbuttoned his own trousers and stepped out of them while Spock watched. He took a step toward the bed and Spock could feel his heartbeat quicken. Kirk knelt on the bed over Spock, their eyes meeting in a lustful glance.

Kirk moved to brush his lips against Spock's ear, running his tongue along the shell and nibbling at his lobe. He kissed his way down Spock's neck and down his chest. He stopped to lave his tongue over each pert nipple along the way. When he reached the waistband of Spock's boxers, the Vulcan was breathless with desire. Kirk slowly slipped Spock's boxers down over his burgeoning erection. Spock gasped as the cool air hit his aching cock. He felt the need rising in him and knew what a fool he'd been to deny it.

"Jim," he gritted out as Kirk huffed out a warm breath over his cock. "Please, I need to feel you."

Kirk climbed back up the bed, covering Spock's body with his own. Spock reached between them and began tugging Kirk's boxers down over his hips. Kirk kicked the garment away a moment later and pressed his body down onto Spock's, grinding their cocks together. Both men gasped at the contact and Spock bucked his hips, seeking more friction. Kirk thrust against him, their cocks sliding together slick with precum. Spock tilted his head, seeking Kirk's lips. He found them in a heated kiss. They parted, gasping. Spock moaned and thrust up against Kirk desperately.

"Oh Spock." Kirk gasped out. "I've wanted this for so long."

"Jim," Spock moaned, wanting to return the sentiment, wanting Kirk to know exactly how he felt. He was beyond coherent speech, bereft of his logic. All he could manage was one word, the most important one, repeated over and over again, like a prayer. "Jim, Jim."

Their bodies moved together synchronously, both aching for more, trying to lose themselves in each other. They moved as one body, one soul, drinking in each others pleasure. Thrusts became erratic, movements became frantic, pleasure, desire mounted like the sweetest symphony.

"Tell me this will never end." Kirk begged desperately. "Promise me."

"I promise Jim." replied Spock.

"I love you." Kirk gasped out.

And a moment later they were coming, spilling their seed between their bodies still moving together, languidly now. Kirk rolled off Spock a moment later, his words still hanging heavy in the air. But Spock had regained enough of his composure to remember what he was, what they both were. He knew he couldn't say it, not now, but perhaps he could come close. He gathered his Captain in his arms and brushed his lips against his temple.

"T'hy'la." he whispered, wishing he could keep his promise, wishing it would never end. But he was an officer and this was his Captain and there would be no beach to walk on for either of them. But tonight at least they could pretend, only if for a night.


End file.
